Telling your child.

Hi-

My son is 8 years old and has HFA. Up until this point we have not discussed autism with him. It has been a fairly recent diagnosis, he is so borderline and doing so well we just didn't want to "rock the boat". He has seen me read many, many books, etc. dealing with autism but surprisingly has never asked what autism is . . . . until recently. He has also just recently started to notice small differences in himself so it is time that we discuss autism with him. I've tried searching online to find some good children's books to have for him as we explain autism. Of course we want to do this in the most positive way possible. Certainly don't want him to view anything in a negative light or decide to use autism as a crutch. He also has an appointment next week at our local TEACCH center so I want him to understand what this is all about before we go.

So, I need any suggestions I can get on the best way to present this to him or any good books anyone has found?

Thank you!!!!

My son is PDD (but will prolly be changed to Aspergers when he is a little older according to the school psych...he is 3) But my daughter is 8 and I had to explain to her what autism was so she would understand about her brother. I told her that he is just like any other kid except he processes things differently and thats why he doesn't like to be touched, cause his body processes the touch as painful, and that's why he doesn't like loud noises either, because his body says it hurts. But basically, he is just a kid, like anyone else..because I didn't want to put a negative spin on it either. there is nothing "wrong" with him, he is just different, but no two kids are alike, so there is nothing wrong with being different. everyone is different from everyone else. Hope this helps.

I also think you have to accentuate the positive, but acknowledge the negative side, too. You can say something like: "Everybody has gifts and challenges. People with HFA/Asperger's have some particular gifts and challenges. They are often really good at thinking "outside the box", they can be creative, they are often super-honest, they can have an incredible mind for detail, and they become experts on their favorite topics in an amazing way. There are also some things that are harder for them. Their "social sense" is not working quite right, and that makes figuring other people out and understanding what they are doing and what they want and how to be friends harder. That's why you go to social skills class, to give you extra help with that." (Of course, you'd tailor that to your own child's strong and weak points, and try to deliver it in a way that fits his maturity level.)

Basically, you try to tie what therapies or help they're getting to how these will make the tough parts of having this disability easier, while still celebrating the positives.

One thing I've found hard: my son doesn't always quite understand what sense it is that he's actually missing. (And neither does the rest of the world - autism isn't as easy to grasp as deafness or blindness, I find.) Carol Gray's books about the Sixth Sense --by which she means the social sense-- were helpful just by helping to make that piece of it clearer.