Autistic 7 year mommy dies

Good Morning,

I am so thankful for this interactive community.

My grandaughter, is 7years old.My daughter-in-law, (her mommy) died suddenly in February of this year. Her daddy (my son) is and was incarcerated at the time. She is presently living with her Step Sister who is married and has a 3 year old of her own. This is about to change because her step sister is finding it too, hard to care for her. I am unable to at my age, but my daughter is willing to take care of her, if Probate Court decides favorably.

The main question I have right now, is how to help my grandaugter grieve. She often cries and says "Bye Bye Mommy". Will showing her pictures of Mommy help? My don and his wife were separated for two years and he did not frequently see his daughter. We believe she really needs him in her life asap, in whatever way the court will allow. Will his talking with her on the telephone possibly create trauma for her? She really loved her daddy. They had a very, close bond before the marital separation.

I hope you can help and I hope our experience will help others in this community.

Thank You

Nana Smith, I am dreadfully sorry to hear about your loss. That is heartbreaking.

To really get informed advice about how to help your granddaughter, you might want to consult a counselor or therapist who is familiar not only with autism, but with loss and how children experience and move through it. (The problem is, there is no advice to offer that fits every child or every situation. Whether a person has autism or is "typical," they may still respond to loss in their own way - sad, denying, angry, numb. How you help them through it will depend on their age, ability to process what is happening, where they are in their grieving, etc. You have to follow their lead - how much they need to cry, or to forget about it for a little bit, or to be left alone, or to be with people - depends on the person and the stage of grieving they are going through.)

One thing is clear from your comments: your granddaughter is crying and missing her mother, so she is grieving, and that is much more encouraging than if she seemed shut down or indifferent. One generic suggestion I can offer is to let her know that you feel it, too, that it's OK to be sad --in fact, this is the time people DO get sad.

For some of the other issues going on, such as what role her father should play right now, it would truly be best to find a wise counselor, therapist, or other person with experience in these types of circumstances to help you think through and evaluate the situation before making major choices.

Hi, I have 5 kids 3 with AS. The one that have AS have a hard time bonding with anyone and when they do bond to someone and that someone has to leave or you move away. They strugle with not seeing that person and when they are having a hard time they bring up that person name again and talk about them. I believe in God and so I tell my kids that They might get to see that person again one day on earth and then there are the ones that you will see again in heaven. I know that if they had a bond with someone close to them before I think it would be a comfort to the child to see that person and help with the void. Each is different when it comes to grieving. I don't know if they ever stop. My children still have a hard time not seeing a person that they were close to. I hope I said something that might have helped you. Sorry for your loss.