Teenage boys ability to talk to the "cute girls"

My son is 14 and was diagnosed with aspergers when he was around 7.The problem is that he is a true teenage boy and really Loves girls but doesn't quite know how to talk to them or how to act around the "cute ones" (as he puts it). Any suggestions on how to talk with him about this so that he understands what I am saying. I would appreciate any info that anyone has.
Thanks
Mom2One

Hi Mom2one. Welcome to the IAN Discussion Forum.

You were asking about how to teach your son with Asperger's to talk to girls. I was thinking that learning to "talk to girls" is really another form of learning "social skills," in general. If he is involved in any social skills training, you might be able to use some of the same techniques -- such as social stories, comic strip conversations, or videotaped roleplaying with feedback after -- to address this topic. One great thing: if he is very motivated to communicate with girls, it may make working on social skills more relevant to him. One thing that might be helpful is to make that connection for him: talking to girls IS a social skill, so working on social skills, especially specifically regarding talking to girls, is a good idea!

I was recently at a national autism conference, and noticed there are now some books available for individuals on the autism spectrum on topics like dating. There are also "adults with autism/Asperger's" websites where they discuss dating, relationships, and sexuality with each other - even if your son is too young for that now, it may be helpful to know such things are out there for later.

Researchers are also working on these topics. Shana Nichols at the Fay J. Lindner Center for Autism, for example, has piloted support groups focused on relationships and sexuality for young adults on the spectrum.

One thing is for sure: you're not alone in this dilemma. Many parents of adolescents on the spectrum --as well as the adolescents themselves-- are in the same boat.

Connie,

Thanks for your reply where we live in a very rual county we don't have social skills classes. I will be looking to see if our neighboring towns have anything like it. Thanks again!
Mom2one

Mom2one, I just wanted to mention that there is still debate about how well which types of "social skills training" work. The trouble is, the majority of studies done on this have been very small and there are a large variety of definitions of what "social skills" are. In addition, not enough work has been done to show what type of intervention will benefit individuals with what types of characteristics most. There is also a concern with maturation - what gains do children make simply as they grow? Rao and colleagues reviewed the situation in "Social Skills Interventions for Children with Asperger's Syndrome or High-Functioning Autism: A Review with Recommendations" (Vol. 38, 2008, Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders). You can read the abstract of the article here:

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17641962?dopt=abstract

This review did say, as some parents have also said on this forum, that just being in a group FOR the training can have beneficial effects - the participants often feel they have made friends in the group, and are very encouraged by that. In any case, we still need more research on each specific approach to social skills training, and which do the most good. Meanwhile, as with so many other treatments, parents, teachers, and therapists proceed with the techniques and knowledge they have available at the moment.

(One thing that is commonly observed: children with ASDs can learn the social rules taught, and apply them in the social skills training situation, but have a hard time applying them naturally beyond that rather artificial setting. Still, gaining awareness of social rules is a major step in and of itself.)

If you are unable to find a social skills class, you might want to consider looking for books or workbooks on the topic. There are several publishing houses that focus on autism, such as Jessica Kingsley (http://www.jkp.com/catalogue/) and the Autism Asperger Publishing Company (http://www.asperger.net/bookstore.htm)that may have such items available. Autism conferences large and small also often offer workshops on social skills topics. I hope you find some resources!

I just wanted you to know that social skills can be added to your childs IEP along with a one on one to help provide these skills. We live in a rural community also. My son is 13 with Asbergers and I have been fighting for years to get help. Demand this get put into his IEP now. My son has a one on one, social skills training and speech therapy. Do not take no for an answer. File a due process with the state if they will not do it.