What do you do when you feel helpless within the education system?

Ugh.... I have so much to tell but so little time and space here. I am the parent of a child on the spectrum. He is about to turn 12 and this was his first year of middle school. My son had an amazing elementary school. He excelled and loved it. His teachers and administrators were the best anyone could ever ask for. They went the extra mile to help him and me. I was very sad to see him leave that environment. And boy was I ever nervous for him to start middle school.

Well, my worst fears were realized. The middle school has completely failed him. He is constantly getting in trouble, constantly having behavior issues and he has changed in so many ways, I cannot even begin to describe. Since starting middle school he has became very, very aggressive and hateful. He began cussing, hitting, biting, punching, screaming, and saying things I would never imagine. He went from a loving, caring elementary school, to a very restrictive middle school with a very low tolerance. He is expected to just magically put all his behaviors aside and work like a zombie. I have had to call the doctor at the schools insistance several times, his medication has been changed about fifteen times this year. Finally this week I had a doctor look at me and tell me, we need to get him out of the public schools and stop changing his medicine, and focus on the behavior. Granted, his teacher has gone above and beyond to do what she can, but the program is just not working for him. He is in special ed, but they switch classes every 45 minutes so he has several different teachers throughout the day. Each teacher is different and each teacher has their own set of standards. Some teachers are more tolerant than others. But the problem is, my son is not going to change some of his habits. He's not going to change the fact that he likes to pace or that he likes to talk. He has several needs, and I just don't think the school can give them to him. They also have very high expectations, and unfortunately, I don't think my son can meet their standards. I have discussed this over and over and over with the teacher, and she defends her program to the end. Also, they don't want to make adjustments, they have a plan they have to follow and they won't change it to fit my sons need. He does have an IEP but the IEP isn't the problem. It is their behavior rules that they don't want to change for each child, it's the same for all and that's the end of the story as far as they are concerned.

What I want to know is, would home schooling be more beneficial to my son? Have any parents tried to homeschool their children on the spectrum? Is it successful, and do you have to do anything special to homeschool a special needs child in Indiana?

Thank you, and sorry if I wasn't clear or rambled, theres just so much inside and I am so stressed out. I send him to school and spend the whole day jumping every time the phone rings wondering when they are going to call me to come get him. And it's at least every week or every week. I can't live my life because the minute I send him off to school, I may get a phone call within a few hours teling me he had a melt down and I need to pick him up!!!
PLEASE HELP ME!

Hi determinedmomma, and welcome to IAN.

I am so sorry to hear of your son's tremendous struggles in Middle School. I know how upsetting it can be to see a child struggle.

There definitely are some families who choose to home school, when faced with no good options from the school district. There are other instances, however, where families find a non-public (private and/or therapeutic) school that would work better for their child and fight for that placement. Generally, the public school will have to pay for that placement if they cannot provide the child a "free and appropriate public education." Sometimes, the school system even has another public-school option, but no one's given it thought or told the parent how to access it. I found myself in that situation at one point, when my son had a terrible time in late elementary school. I discovered there was a "therapeutic" school in the district no one had told me about. It had smaller classes, behavioral experts, and a nurturing atmosphere. His behavior changed completely, from constant meltdowns to success, once he switched.

There are models that work for these children. The district we're in now actually has one middle school designated as a "high functioning autism/Asperger" school, with a special program. Kids who are doing better can go out to "regular" classes; those who are not, stay with the same teacher most of the day so that they their needs can be accommodated.

What is most important is to learn about the law governing your child's right to an education and to find knowledgeable help to assist you as you try to find a different program or school (or decide to home school).

To seek knowledgeable help locally, you might contact the nearest chapter of the Autism Society of America and ask if they know of options, as far as school placements, in your area, and if they know of any professional advocates with whom you could consult. See: http://www.autism-society.org/site/PageServer?pagename=community_chapters

You might also try the Autism Speaks' Autism Response Team: 888-AUTISM2 (288-4762) or familyservices@autismspeaks.org

An advocate is someone who knows the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) law and can go with you to an IEP meeting, to make sure your child receives his rights under the law. Unfortunately, sometimes parents must take legal action to get their child an appropriate program. See: http://www.autismspeaks.org/press/federal_legal_appeal.php

To learn about the law yourself, see the resources at the end of our "Back to School Report 2009": http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/ian_research_reports/back_to_school_2009

I also just today found a talk by a lawyer on the procedure to go through to get the school district to pay for an independent assessment of your child (after they have done one and you do not agree with the outcome). I cannot vouch for the accuracy, as I am no legal expert, but this talk definitely includes some important tips and concepts for parents. See "Getting an Independent Educational Evaluation (IEE) at Public Expense", here: http://www.autismhangout.com/news-reports/reports.asp?id=98