Feeling helpless and unsure of my role.

My grandson was diagnosed over a year and a half ago with severe autism and my daughter and her husband have been very slow to react to learning and providing services for him. I live with a teacher that specializes in Special Needs children and has worked with many autistic children so we have a good idea of the benefits of early intervention, we have set up PECs in his home for him and have persuaded the school to provide ABA in home next school year but still his parents seem frozen in getting on board.

I feel so helpless and unsure of my role. I do not want to alienate my daughter or her husband by pushing or criticizing but I also want to protect and help my Grandson. I would love to talk to other Grandparents. If you have any advice please let me know. Thank you for your time and assistance.
Grandma CoCo

Hi CoCo, and welcome to IAN.

I'm so sorry to hear what a tough time your family is having. I understand how paralyzing a child's autism diagnosis can be for some parents at first, but also how frustrating it can be when you see the need for action, and they're not yet able to act.

One recommendation I have for you is to contact the Grandparent Autism Network (GAN): http://www.ganinfo.org/

I have spoken with members of GAN extensively, and know for a fact you are not the first grandparent to feel stuck in this uncomfortable situation. For so many grandparents, it truly is a "double whammy." You are worried about your grandchild, but you are also worried about your traumatized adult child (the parent). How exactly to navigate the situation depends somewhat on your relationship with your child, as well as how well they are coping. If they are able to take in an offer of help, and a discussion about what kind of help you'd like to offer, a family meeting might be in order. A parent who is down, but facing the situation, will likely be easier to help than one who is in denial. When a parent is in denial, it is very tough because the grandparent has no authority to make any kind of treatment happen, and is unable to do much without some cooperation from the parent.

If you and your adult child find it very hard to talk to each other about the topic, it might even be worthwhile to enlist the aid of a family therapist or clinical social worker who can pay attention to everyone's needs and feelings while keeping the child's interest as a top priority.

For a family therapist: http://www.therapistlocator.net/index.asp

For a social worker: http://www.helpstartshere.org/find-a-social-worker

Generally, families do adapt and progress is made. I hope the situation becomes more encouraging for you and everyone soon.