Bullying and ASD

In our new article on Bullying, we discuss how the characteristics of individuals with ASD can make them particularly vulnerable to bullying, as well as to being identified as a bully. Either way, consequences are very negative.

See: http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/articles/bullying

What have your experiences been? When facing a situation involving bullying and a person with ASD, what solutions did you try? What worked?

So this has been viewed. But no ones chimed in. I know in my case, my son's first day back at school was today. Last year was a nightmare of him being bullyed.

I've printed off the article for his teachers. We'll see how it goes.

Hi Janjan, and welcome to IAN.

I'm so sorry to hear what a rough year your son had last year. I hope this year is much better, and that you are able to work with the school to prevent any bullying before it begins, or at least have them aware and watching in case anything does begin.

It might be a good idea to alert everyone on his team (teachers, IEP chair, therapists, cafeteria staff, bus driver, etc.) that this has been a problem, and you would like everyone to be aware; to inform you of any incidents; and to intervene. If anything does happen, you might consider calling a meeting at the school right away. In part, this shows you're serious about the issue and expect action to be taken.

My brothers were mean to me, so I passed it on to kids at school, when they moved out I lost the feeling to be a bully. When I look back on the kids(bullys) in jr high and high school and I knew of their parents and siblings, I can now say there was a strong connection in the family fueling the child to be a bully.
My wife and I always met the parents of our childrens friends to the point of socializing with them.
There are good kids in school,try to get to know their parents, let the school be the medium to bring the parents together, usually this will help the kids make new friends.
When ever I was bullied it was when I was by myself. When I was with a couple of other guys nothing ever took place.
Also, an autistic child will see how parents visit and socialize which can help them at school.
My mother's denial allowed me to do what ever I wanted and the school of hard knocks helped me to learn through my mistakes of pain and fun. I couldn"t grasp the way football, basketball and most other activites are played, but, that didn't stop me from paticipating in them. Sure, my teammates orcoach would get made at me, I still continued on with what I wanted to do.
I can tell you more ways of failing at something, then I can tell you of my success at something, but, in the end it was all simple something to do. Failure is only in the eyes of the one who gives up.

Hi arustyc. I think you make an important point here. Often, the presence of some friends, or even just one, can help deflect a bully's interest. I know at my son's school, several of the high functioning ASD teens meet for lunch every day, and there is a great level of comfort and security based on the fact that they have a group to be with. That group, I'm sure, is also protective in the sense that any one teen is less likely to be bothered by a would-be bully.

Still, many children are not with their best friends at school all day - they may be in different classes at different times, or may attend different schools, etc. The school staff, the school's culture, and the school's policy regarding bullying have to protect children even when they are alone.

My son has been bullied since kindergarten and he's now in 7th grade. There is a "No Bullying" policy, but it seems that, at least in my son's case, they don't punish the bully, but the victim. I've documented every event in a journal and I've taken pictures of every scratch, every bruise and any and all marks on his body. Again, my son was the one who got punished. Finally, I had enough and I pulled him out of the public school(for other reasons as well), retained a lawyer, and now my son goes to a wonderful school for kids with special needs. He is thriving! He's the happiest I've ever seen him and he says there are no bullies there.
Schools(teachers) need to learn more about kids on the spectrum(any child with special needs) and learn how to educate them properly. The schools should also teach all the kids how to treat each other properly and without prejudice.

My son is in 2nd grade now. The past 2 years have been extremely difficult for him in terms of bullying! I had to approach the teachers, administrators, bus drivers and especially the playground staff about the way that he is being treated by older kids. The playground seemed to be the worst place for it because the playground monitors can't see everyone all the time, so the kids would take advantage of this. My son also has a very difficult time when he loses at a game (mainly tetherball) and gets angry or upset. What makes it worse is that he takes everything so literal that even when someone is not making fun of or bullying him, he perceives it that way.

We had ABA therapy for 6 months, and it proved to be extremely helpful in dealing with this problem! Unfortunately we lost it when my husband retired in July. Anyway...the ABA therapist was teaching my son how to deal with bullying so that he did not get himself into trouble with his reactions.

Welcome to IAN, KitKath and DebS.

KitKath, I am so glad you were able to find a therapeutic school for your son that was bully-free and nurturing. It is distressing that bullying would be part of the reason for pulling a child out of their local school, but I hear stories like this all too often. If a child is feeling under attack, how can they learn and benefit from any therapies they are receiving?

Deb S, you bring up the other part of the equation, which is how to try to "bully-proof" your child, and that part of that is helping them understand what is, and is not, bullying. I had not heard of ABA used in precisely this way, so that is very interesting. I am glad to hear that your son has benefitted, and hope that the situation continues to improve for him.

In general, the entire complex issue does involve these two aspects: the school with its policies, culture, awareness, and environment and the child with his or her own characteristics, understanding, and responses.

My son was in Kindergarten last year and had a horrible time. I feel like the teachers and administrators labled him as a bully. They would put him out in the hallway for being disruptive which would make him more disruptive. I feel like the administrators were trying to make a case to have him moved out of "the least restrictive environment" and into another school by allowing him to fail socially.

He was diagnosed as Developmentally Disabled at the time and has since been diagnosed with ASD. The Administrators have agreed not to put him in the hall anymore and he seems to be doing better this year so far, but last year's experience was so bad that I feel like I cannot trust the school administrators.

My son has started to say that he can't have any friends at school and will tell children who try to play with him that they are not his friends.

Hi Momoftwo, and welcome to IAN.

I am so sorry to hear about your son's difficulties in Kindergarten. How discouraging and upsetting that must have been. I'm not sure if he was labelled a bully, or just as disruptive, but either way, it often helps to get the school to view the behavior through a different lens: as part of a disability that needs to be treated/helped, and not as a sign of some kind of willful disobedience or malice.

Meltdowns of one kind or another are fairly common in children with ASD, as you can see here:

http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/challenging_behavior/mood_instability_and_meltdown

http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/about_asds/aspergers_syndrome_meltdowns

Addressing disruptive behavior is important because it interferes with learning, the ability to benefit from therapies, and social interaction, too. Social interventions, like assigning a peer buddy or having the child take part in a social skills group at school or otherwise, can't work well if the child is melting down constantly.

It can be tough to try to work with the school when you've had a negative experience, but it is often worth giving them the benefit of the doubt and trying a new approach. (Sometimes, the school turns out to be hopelessly dense as far as ASD goes, but other times, the situation can become better, with everyone learning, changing the way things are done, and improving the situation.)

One possibility is calling an IEP meeting, and making a top priority a plan for helping the child self-regulate. What exactly this is will depend on a lot of things, but schools generally will develop a functional behavioral assessment. That's where they look at the child's behavior and try to figure out its "function." Is the child melting down because of sensory issues? Anxiety? To escape doing work he doesn't like? For attention? They work to figure out the negative behavior, what positive behaviors they'd like to replace it with, and then develop a plan for working to replace the negative behavior with more positive ones. It's a bit easier when children are older and more self aware, because part of what you can do is increase their own awareness that they are becoming upset so they can tell the teacher. (Perhaps they have a pass to spend a few quiet moments in the guidance office for those times.)

Sometimes an inability to self-regulate and frequent meltdowns are only partly to do with what's going on in the environment, and more to do with a person's own inner workings. For some children with ASD, it's almost as though they have hypersensitive "wiring," and find staying calm, attentive, and in balance very difficult. (Of course, a sensory overloaded and stressful environment only makes this worse.) Medication can sometimes help, and is often tried, as you can read about here:

http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/ian_treatment_reports/medication

Sometimes, it's the environment that is all wrong, and a child who was melting down daily in a crowded classroom with high social and academic demands may do much better in a smaller, less stressful classroom. Parents may place the child in a more "special education" environment, a therapeutic school, or some other more protected and supportive setting for a time, as they mature and learn to self-regulate.

Whatever your specific circumstances, I hope the situation improves for your son soon.

I am a parent of a teenager with PDD-NOS. I have removed him from school because of the relentless bullying. Staff at his school told me it was "all in his head." Bullying a person with ASD should be a criminal offense!

Hi Bensmom13, and welcome to IAN.

I am so sorry to hear about your son's situation, and especially about the "all in the head" comment. How awful.

I hope increasing awareness about how often children with ASD face bullying, and what an impact it has, will move schools to take more action, sooner. This is such a common problem, and schools need to be prepared with potential solutions before a child with ASD is bullied.

Hi my son has receive the PDD-NOS diagnosis, and this is his first year at school, and we just moved to a new state, with all that there has been some regression and he's been acting out. Some of the kids think he is a bully and in return will retaliate and try to hurt him, my son is big on taking things that he wants to use, I tried to explain to the kids that they need to come talk to me for even though I am outside I do not see everything. It was really hard yesterday watching him want to interact but not knowing how to express what it is he wanted, and in turn he cried a lot and then the other children were picking on him. When I tried to bring him inside to desensitize for a little while he ended up having a melt down. I am not real sure what to do with all this, the only thing I could think to do was let him outside in the afternoon on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for those are his full days at school and on Tuesday and Thursday have him go outside before school for he has only half a day and most of the other kids are in full days, but I don't want to make him feel like he is being punished. How do we teach these other children that sometimes there are other kids who are a little different. I have talked to some of the other mothers but they don't seem to care one way or another.

Hi proud_mama, and welcome to IAN.

It sounds like the situation is very difficult at the moment, especially because your son just went through a big move and started school. That's a lot of change, and children with ASD are not very fond of change. See Insistence on Sameness: http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/challenging_behavior/insistence_on_sameness

Often, parents will try to improve a situation like this by chipping away at it from every direction. There are several approaches you might consider here. For one thing, establishing new routines is important, so your son feels life is predictable again. (He will adapt to his new home and schedule, though this may take some time.)

Another element is, as you were saying, trying to get some education for the other children at the school. You might ask the guidance counselor, social worker, or another mental health professional or special educator at the school whether there is a program for "disability awareness" at the school, or for teaching children about ASDs. Usually a school will start with a general program about it, rather than say, "Hey, let's all talk about so-and-so." I know my local elementary school has done both types of programs, although I'm not sure if this involved the Kindergarten level, or only grades 1-5. For Disability Awareness Day, I know they had booths where a child could do activities which would help them experience what it would be to be blind, have ASD, need a wheelchair, etc.

The third element is working to evaluate how to make this setting as positive as possible for your son, and also figuring out if it's the best setting at this point. You have a great deal of insight into your son, and can pool your knowledge with that of the team working with him at school to identify ways to help and whether this setting can work, in terms of sensory overload, teacher-student ratio, and academic/social demands. Is someone at school conducting a functional behavior analysis or otherwise trying to figure out when things go wrong, and why? Are they working to assist with the social cluelessness (which is, of course, part and parcel of ASD)? Actually, it may be that a behavioral expert would be the best person to work on the "you can't just take other people's stuff" issue -- and the social problems that come with it -- because it is their job to replace negative behaviors with desirable ones. If you feel any necessary piece of his program is missing, you can call an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) meeting and work to have it incorporated.

It's so much harder when they are little, because they aren't as good at identifying when they are feeling stressed or overwhelmed. An older child can be taught to use a "pass to the guidance office" when they feel themselves spinning out, but often younger children aren't self-aware enough for this. They may need an adult with good "radar" to sense this for them. Indeed, this is a role that many parents hope a one-on-one aide will be able to play for their child, if they are able to get one. See our Back to School Report 2010: http://www.iancommunity.org/cs/ian_research_reports/ian_back_to_school_report_2010

By the way, if you need any assistance learning about the IEP process, or the federal law behind it, contact your local Parent Technical Assistance Center: http://parentcenternetwork.org/parentcenterlisting.html

Part of their mission is to help parents learn about this, to the benefit of their children.

I hope that the situation gets much better soon. Best wishes to you and your son.

my 13 year old adopted grandson has PDD/NOS. School has never been easy for him but the middle school grades are really difficult. He is made fun of constantly. He stutters badly and the more upset he gets the worse it is. So, the kids make fun of him and call him names and then because he can't come up with a quick verbal comeback he ends up being physical. And yes, he is always the one to get in trouble. I agree he has to be given a consequence when he displays inappropriate behavior but the kids that torment him get away scott free. I have been to school and he has a counselor but nothing seems to change. I wish there were some kind of technique to help him.