Alternative to Public Education?

My 12 yr old son has multiple diagnosis the primary of which is Asperger's. His IQ is 107. Has an IEP in a regular setting w/accomodations to anticipate his sensory/behavioral issues; testing etc... Bottom line - he is not emotionally managing the middle school setting very well at all. He is only accepted by a few very kind children who tollerate him where they must. He is bullied and teased almost every single day. After school and in summer he attends a highly structured support program with other children who are challenged socially but otherwise he has no direct personal contact or relationships with peers or playmates. Certainly not for a lack of trying. He is odd and off the topic, driven by his own limited interests a majority of the time. The older he is the more nervous parents are to expose their kids to him.

At school the powers that be see a kid who is capable but just not reaching his potential. ie; appropriate setting not a perfect one. He is receiving many services that we provide for him privately and tutoring. His grades follow the pattern of his mood and behavior; which is either 95+ or failing - just enough to earn a passing average. The problem overall is that he is miserable and comes home melting down 2/3 days a week. Unable to let go of some petty issue that threw him off kilter.

We have an IEP review Wed 5/16. My support team suggests to request a change from regular (inclusion) to a resource placement. The EC teacher acknowleges that this is the next logical step however she has great concerns for his ablity to function in that setting exposed to what she called "a majority of schools negative behavior problems".

I have no idea where this is headed BUT would like to know if anyone can give me advice about alternatives to public school. He truely needs a highly structured setting with much less stimulation. Private schools can not accomodate his needs in our area.

What are our options??

Hi nanc2758. I also have a 12 year old with Asperger's, and he actually fell apart in fourth grade. He then went to a public "special" school --an all therapeutic environment for kids who were "severely emotionally disturbed". That sounds awful, but it was the best placement he ever had. 8 kids in a room, teachers and an entire staff that were attuned to kids with all sorts of needs, every single thing from gym to music aligned with a therapeutic purpose. The staff knew how to deal with meltdowns, too, but of course there were far fewer in this quieter, more accepting, and VERY structured environment. I felt such despair that he had to go there, at first, but then I felt like an idiot. Why hadn't I put him there SOONER?

Now he's in a regular Middle School, but in a separate, special Asperger's class. His only friends are other kids with Asperger's, but...so what? He has FRIENDS.

Basically, I think what you look for is a smaller, quieter environment and a staff that understands the disability and gets that meltdowns (and managing them) are part of it...so a switch to another placement is not a bad idea. The question is: what have they got to offer? Are there any choices? (Depending on the school district, they may have some things, or they may have nothing and private placements are the only alternative, with various degrees of fighting for them necessary.) Also don't feel rushed to choose one during the meeting --ask to arrange to visit the proposed schools.

Good luck to you. Just remember, nobody knows your son better than you --you'll have good instincts about what's right.

My sons attend public school and have switched from regular to special education classes with IEPs. While hesitant to make the change at first, I've found the academic classes they attend are better geared toward their needs and are smaller than regular-ed classes, and they participate in regular classes for music, gym, etc. They are also fortunate enough to attend an autism program after school two days a week {"Stepping Stones") that is held at the autism school in our city. The school was specifically created and is staffed with educators and counselors trained deal with autistic students, and is a very positive and learning place. Although my city's public school system does not send students there, it serves the county and does welcome students from other areas. The boys will be attending their summer program, which is usually segregated by age. In this way, they do interact with other students like them, and who get along and are with people who understand them.

My first question is where do you live? I live in NJ, which I have been told has better services than many states. After spending 2nd and 3rd grade in a self-contained class, being sent back after being mainstreamed against my better judgment, I had her placed in a special needs school. It wasn't a great placement, but it was more protective of her: quieter, strong behavior management component. Finally, I learned that I could get her into the school I wanted her in because they were looking at this time for brighter kids. It has been a blessing. The school is set up to support the kids behavior, rewards are social and really fun (my daughter needs that to motivate her), and there is respite and monthly support groups for the parents and siblings.

Getting started was the hardest part. I felt like the public school's administration was not getting it! I finally hired an attorney to get things moving. Looking back, I am not sure I had to do this, but I don't regret it. (Needless to say the expense of everything is overwhelming!).

Hi there, Having been around many a block regarding education, I think I should add one of our lessons...

My son is 11 yrs old, and has been formally assessed with a gifted IQ, including areas of genius. He has been in some very mismatched school placements, thus he had a school phobia that was off the charts! He was originally misdiagnosed with bipolar, and was placed in a Special Day Class for Emotionally Disturbed Students.

He was in one particular classroom for 2nd and 3rd grades. The teacher was successfully mainstreaming plenty of ED (emotionally disturbed) students, so she was a capable teacher. She could see where my son was academically, and prepared appropriate work for him.

A day in the life: She puts a paper on his desk and tells him he needs to do this work. He screams NO and rolls on the floor screaming no. She uses all her interventions, but never gives in, to no avail. He screams all day. Every day. For TWO YEARS.

She was perceiving the behavior as knowingly defiant, emotionally disturbed, a battle of wills; and she treated it as such.

Then Autism starts being considered, and one day she puts his paper on his desk and says, "R--, Pick up your pencil." My son looks at his PENCIL, picks it up and does his work!! (She and I both discovered this infinitesimal KEY within a day of each other.)

My point here is that the REASONS for the meltdowns are coming from a very different place when it is Autism. Keep this in mind as you navigate the system and work with teachers, AND with your child.

This past November, the public school district finally agreed to give my son a one-to-one aide, and also enrolled him in a non-public school for students with High Functioning Autism. He was doing preschool work when he started there and is now doing 3rd grade work - 3 years leap in 6 months.

The mind set, the interventions, the expectations and accommodations are completely different between Autism and Emotionally Disturbed students. My son, for the first time in his life, is starting to feel that school is a safe place to be. His needs are met, his deficits are understood, anticipated, accommodated for, and he can finally apply his mind and learn.

With2ontheSpectrum wrote:

The mind set, the interventions, the expectations and accommodations are completely different between Autism and Emotionally Disturbed students. My son, for the first time in his life, is starting to feel that school is a safe place to be. His needs are met, his deficits are understood, anticipated, accommodated for, and he can finally apply his mind and learn.

I'm so glad your son is doing better, and I think you've made a really good point here. Severly Emotionally Disturbed (SED) programs may include lots of kids with autism...or not. And the training of the people running them may vary, with regards to autism. My son was in an SED school where they were pretty savvy about autism, but even there I would say: "Do you take into account that it's different trying to teach social skills to a neglected kid who missed learning them because no one taught it to him (although his brain can absorb the lesson now) as opposed to a kid with autism who isn't WIRED to learn it?"

Most states and cities don't give us much of a choice when it comes to education of an ASD child. In my area, it's public school or nothing. Luckily our public school is small and they have been working very hard to understand what to do with my son, but he still has a lot of meltdowns. Everyone still expects too much from him on schoolwork. I wish he was able to be in an all ASD class, but they don't even have that at his school. I guess we parents need to demand that every public school have an ASD class because these kids do have special needs and it would make it a lot easier on them if they were around people like them. But it's all about "mainstreaming".
Thanks for the info on middle school. My son will be there soon. I have always been worried about it and I guess my worries were right.

Hi, my name is Terri-Lynn, my daughter has Asperger's syndrome and I have been fighting with the school system here in Ontario Canada since she was five years old. My daughter is going to be twelve in August. She was finally identified as gifted this past January, although I have known that she was extremely bright since she was very young, it took this long to get the school to acknowledge it. Here in Ontario, we have very little supports for people of any age with ASD. My daughter's gifted enrichment teacher just recently went to a conference about autism, and gained insight to a lot of the rationale behind the behaviours my daughter exhibits, and she's one of the few who bother to take the time to understand. Unfortunately, Darien only attends this class once a week. I am struggling with all the obstacles to support services I have been facing, and I just want to scream. I had to get a protective mouth guard made for my daughter because her anxiety level has been so high that she wears painful ulcers on the underside of her upper lip from uncontrollable facial stretching that gets more frequent as her anxiety level climbs. She used to love school and be so excited about learning, now she cries daily, makes excuses to stay home and constantly wants to change schools. Last school year, she was bullied relentlessly, and the school turned it around and did little to stop the behaviour. This past November, my neighbour purposefully kicked my daughter, (he's in his forties), after teasing her with her doll stuff and is now trying to sue us for the injuries she inflicted on him. He actually wanted to have her charged, and then he told some of the boys in her class that she injured him and she was further assaulted and harrassed by them, physically and emotionally. The school did nothing to hellp her and in fact they didn't believe her because she is seen as less credible than the boys, and the boy in question adamantly denied maliciously whipping my daughter in the face with a volleyball. A lot of the times, I just want to cry, because she is a beautiful, intelligent, caring, giving child who wants nothing more than to be accepted. I feel defeated!!! Lord give me STRENGTH

Has anyone had any experience with home-schooling their child with Asperger's? I have been considering it and read some promising articles and excerpts in books on Asperger's but I have yet to meet a parent who took that route. My child is 6 and just finished Kindergarten and he is already the taking the brunt of some bullying and he has a hard time because his IQ is 126 (probably higher even, I think he got board by the time he got to the math section- which he does very well with). Our school system test children at the end of Kindergarten to see if they are on target with math, reading and writing skills. He was below grade level for writing as he hates it and refuses to do it. But his teacher told me that she tested him all the way through the 1st grade curriculum and he didn't miss one question, she said that he is academically ready for 3rd grade. Socially he is pretty far behind.. So what happens is he gets board and gets into a lot of trouble and refuses to do his work because it does not interest him at all. If any one else has home taught their aspie then please give me some advice. Of course professionals are welcome to give a stab at answering this question as well.

Thank you to everyone who responded.
By the way we are in NC. There are amazing things happening here for children and adults on the spectrum in this state. We moved here 3 years ago from NY for that specific reason. I don't mean to criticize NY. We just had a very bad experiance with our school district there.
We recently had the year end IEP where the hot topic was obviously what are our alternatives to a regular middle school. We learned that the only placement within our middle school would be self contained. Unfortunately there he would be exposed directly to the very same notorius bullies who are already tormenting him every day. Obviously not an option.
For the meeting we had "great" outside support who attended the IEP and amazing advice and direction from both TEACCH and The Autism Society of NC.
I encourage everyone who does not already know about TEACCH to visit the website and to do the same for your state and local chapter of the Autism Society.
They could not be more helpful!

What we learned is that there are school districts in NC who offer a special classroom within a regular school setting specificly for Aspie children. Ours does not at this time but I am told one is not far off. My district does have a special classroom at a separate location not necesarily for children on the spectrum but for kids who are unique in some way that they can keep up with their peers accadmically but don't fit socially.
We took a tour and allowed "J" to make his own decision. Although he will not be with other aspergers children he will be with kids who understand and apprecaite his dilema.
There are a total of 12 kids in the program - 4 each
6th to 8th grade and in a separate building there are also 4 students each from grades 9 to 12. He can stay if he chooses all the way to graduation or he can transfer back to a regular school if and when he is capable. Most of the children who were able to go back chose to stay right where they are.

School is over for the year and "J" is so willing to transfer. He handed out thank you gifts, shook hands and gave goodbye hugs without a second of regret for his decision. As a matter of fact since the decision was made he has been the happiest and more content then we have almost ever seen him!
Again - Thanks to everyone who offered advice and encouragement.
What a relief!!

Hi: I am new to this forum. My grandaughter was diagnosed with autism when she was 2 years old. Her father took a year out of work to be with her 24/7. She had a number of problems with metals and had to use all glass containers for preparing her food. She had many many supliments to take each day.

Through her parents continuing efforts she can now read way beyond her years, does math beyond a 5 years old level. Now about education, this would not have been achieved without my son's demanding from the local school that she be able to attend school before the accepted age.

Since then she is enrolled in a private school due to the fact the public school had nothing to offer her at her level of intelegence. The problem is the school costs so much. That they are preparing to sell their home in order to keep their daughter in the private school.

One alternative that we used with our daughter was enrolling her in religious schools. When she had improved enough to be mainstreamed in the local public school we soon found out it was not for her. She attended a Lutheran middle school and then we enrolled her in the local Catholic High School.

Our family is secular, never attend church, but we found out that smaller class size in religious schools and a staff that did not tolerate 'bullying', 'teasing' or 'insulting' other children was the perfect mainstreaming option for her.

We, or rather my wife tried home schooling but it was too much to handle which is why we went to the religious school option. The cost was 500.00 per month which was well worth the expense.

I'm surprised the mainstreaming in a religious school was not listed as one of the alternatives to public schools.

Again thanks to everyone who responded!
It's been a while since school began at the non-traditional school setting we chose for our son.
I am always reluctant to say things are good because it is generally a short lived experiance.
With almost 2 months of school behind us I can honest say he is doing terrific. Not ok or good - it is GREAT!
In fact I hear that this program has been so successful for children with AS diagnosis (although participation is not exclusive to AS)it is being observed for modeling by surrounding school districts and developemental/behavioral specialists.
Everything about the teaching methods and surroundings are unique to the learning challenges of Exceptional Children (learning disabled) and adapted to those with mental health needs.
They use an adaptation of the "teaching family model", an evidence based,
best practice model focused on meeting the individual needs of students,
building on strengths using innovative approaches.

My son is happy going to school, happy at school and even more importantly happy and cooperative at home. He believes it is because all the kids are "just like me". The relief came to him when the burdon of feeling forced to conform and fit in was removed. Has not had one meltdown or outburst. Is achieving the absolute best grades of his life.
We could not be happier with the school, the administration, the teachers and most importantly the results!

nanc2758, I am so happy to hear of your son's success.

Reviewing all the comments made on this topic makes it clear how important it is to evaluate and compare educational approaches, and spread the word about those that are effective. Research is the key, not just in genetics, but in education, Occupational Therapy, Speech & Language, etc.